L.O.V.E well

I am back!

2011-06-28T22:04:00.000+08:00

God has been so good! :D

amazing ladies

2009-12-30T12:23:00.004+08:00

In 2010 i pray for:

1) joyz' cheer
2) nette's gentleness
3) ris' composure
4) MX's submissiveness
5) XY's love for people
6) mich's wisdom

A new season

2009-12-09T20:56:00.004+08:00

blogging often forces me to sit down, think and reflect... and this is a helpful process to slow my life down.. well, as a picture speaks a thousand words, that picture speaks of the new season for me... & prayerfully it's Christ we're fixing our eyes on from the photo! haha!

Perhaps some things are to private/ personal to blog but it certainly has been such a season of learning about my self, my weaknesses and the many areas i need to improve and need Christ in me so as to better myself... As my blog title says well, 'love well'.. Now, it's really for me to apply it well into the real people in my life... and the new person in my life... !

i'm personally alarmed as I come face to face to evaluate on the aspects below:
1) my insecurities towards love
2) my NATs
3) my walk with God
4) my spiritual disciplines (sabbath, church, family, Q.T., service)
5) my committment to God's temple of worship
6) my attitude at work
7) my loving actions to my family
8) my obligation to the people that passes me by
9) God's standing in my life
10) my worship & offering of my life to God

09 has been such a year of big & small changes... Certainly the lovely person beside me is such a 'big' gift sent by God & wrapped by His cutest wrapper... thank you God I love it! & May God continue to teach me how to love & care for it well... that I may continue to make this proclaimation of joy!

what a gift to stop me in my tracks~ putting His precious son into my life as my mirror... allowing me to evaluate on the above 10 aspects to help me start my 2010 & onwards... with a BANG!!

What happens when i eat w these 2 sisters...

2009-07-29T20:18:00.001+08:00

Photo frenzied..

june flew by

2009-06-25T20:09:00.001+08:00

wow... i've been missing in june... and it's gone... what has been different?

i'm having to make difficult decisions at this juncture... 6 months will fly me by and what can i do to maximize it?!

God give me wisdom.

nostalgia

2009-05-30T21:13:00.003+08:00

... heard this song over the radio .... reminded me of my younger days... either in sec or JC.. one of my favourite songs.. and still is quite a favourite to most people. .. haha... the boyish Lee Hom is certainly quite a charm... even till now.. was it his talent or his looks that held him in such high regard from his fans? or a combination of 2?!

met up with ZJ and was reminded more of my younger days.. gosh.. it was 19 or 20 then.. so young!! can't believe myself... certainly every year of our lives are to be cherished and lived well.. it passes over us too soon..

this verse puts it aptly:

'As for man, his days are like grass, he flourishes like a flower of the field; the wind blows over it and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more.'

whether we 'flourish' or we 'wither' it'll soon be gone... though certainly we ought to choose to flourish rather than wither.. but then how and what we flourish for will be important for it says:

'but from everlasting to everlatsting the LORD's love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children's children - with those who keep his covenant and remember to obey his precepts'

been asking and evaluating

2009-05-23T22:33:00.002+08:00

... what have i done with my life?

somehow at this stage, i found myself not performing at my peak... wondering if for some years of my life, i've been misled and not been able to perform and capitalize on my strength...

there were years where things went well and i thought... really thought i was doing pretty well.. but am i? sure maybe i was doing well... but only in my own well (as in the frog in the well - w-e-l-l)... i realizes... it's been scary to finally realized now! at this age! oh gosh... that while everyone's out there... i'm in my well thinking i've got most of it almost figured out...

gosh...

how should i now make sure i never got played out again by myself?

I read somewhere that 'as long as the vegetables were green, they were growing, but when they got ripe, they'll start to rot...'

i think i started to rot in the past 2 years. at 2007 when i thought it was my peak, that was where my rotting begins.. scary...

how then do i keep myself green always??

i think the only answer is= to keep giving... and that is when you'll realize u dun have enough and you'll keep growing...

I need to start giving now (even though i feel like i have got nothing since i've rotted for 2 years)...

1) be nicer to people you dun know
2) be pro-active in being more encouraging and giving of compliments
3) stop feeling inferior coz that's when you look inwards...
4) make people feel better about themselves rather than wanting to feel better yourself
5) start relying on God every moment

Although it isn't a nice feeling, but it's perhaps the best present God gave me... to help me recognize to my horror... i am nothing and had nothing...

let me start living life afresh again, in the light of His glory... and prayerfully, to never lose sight of it again... it'll be another painful jerk to go thr another round...

looking heavenwards

2009-05-23T00:09:00.002+08:00

i miss my grandma everyday...

there's been so much questions in my life these days...

my work,
my future,
my marriage,
my relationships,
my friends,
my grandma & her life in heaven?

so it's a good song to remember... God will be faithful amidst all my questions...

God will be faithful

2009-05-23T00:05:00.001+08:00

am practising this song to lead for my friend's upcoming wedding and am very blessed by it:

Verse 1:
Like the sun that rises everyday,
You are so faithful.
Lord, You are faithful.

Like the rain that You send,
And every breath that I breathe,
You are so faithful, Lord

Verse 2:
Like the rose that comes alive every spring,
You are so faithful.
Lord, You are faithful.

Like the life that You give,
To every beat of my heart,
You are so faithful, Lord.

PreChorus:
I see the cross and the price You had to pay,
I see the blood that washed my sins away.

Chorus:
In the midst of the storm
through the wind and the waves,
You'll still be faithful, You'll still be faithful,
When the stars refuse to shine and time is no more,
You'll still be faithful,You'll still be faithful, Lord.

Bountiful harvest:)

2009-05-17T13:26:00.001+08:00

Snap this while walking... Simple beauties in life..

Cool publicity

2009-05-17T13:24:00.001+08:00

Jesus beautiful Saviour

2009-05-01T15:30:00.003+08:00

this song brings back much memories to me... and a song that reminds me whom i need to anchor my life, my faith and my hope on...

not sure why i'm reminded of some significant memories 6 years back... it's been so long! scarily long... and somehow, my heart still grieves. i surprised myself... perhaps i've never had another of such connection on a personal and spiritual level again... it has been a precious friendship... but ... there's no looking back... i've changed so much as well.

was it that it wasn't a complete closure? was it that it had been too abrupt an end? was it that i had never quite been clear what i could have done differently?

I've often been asking myself questions about my faith since i began work and started growing in my career developments... was it that i've changed so much that i couldn't regain that non-witholding trust and faith in God again, that once enabled me to live a life that (i thought) had counted for God & Him alone... God have I forsaken you in any little way, in any little thing I did? How then should I manifest the 10 talents to 10 more and yet never draw any bit of glory for myself while I live on this earth? God forgive me... again and again, one day and another... for truely i will never get to tread on the streets of gold in heaven if not for Christ's deep sacrifice for me...

Lord as i walk on this narrow and lonely path here on earth, let me find comfort and companionship through you and you alone.

"Heal my heart and make it clean

Open up my eyes to the things unseen

Show me how to love like you have loved me

Break my heart from what breaks yours

Everything I am for your kingdom's cause

As I go from nothing to Eternity"

Hosanna - (click on the video below)

2009-05-01T15:20:00.003+08:00

I see the king of glory
Coming on the clouds with fire
The whole earth shakes
The whole earth shakes

I see his love and mercy
Washing over all our sin
The people sing
The people sing

[Chorus]
Hosanna
Hosanna
Hosanna in the highest [x2]

I see a generation
Rising up to take their place
With selfless faith
With selfless faith

I see a near revival
Stirring as we pray and seek
We're on our knees
We're on our knees

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me
Break my heart from what breaks yours

Everything I am for your kingdom's cause
As I go from nothing to Eternity

[Chorus x2]Hosanna in the highest

still cherishing...

2009-04-18T23:37:00.005+08:00

below is the song my laoban ask me to prac and lead... so am linking it to my blog so i can listen and listen to it again & again... haha!

been a packed week for me, week after week.. but... thank God for providing His sustenance keeping me really happy about what i'm doing. that's really what's impt. I will rather be happily occupied then depressingly idle with my time. To me, being busy is not depressing. Having nothing meaningful to do is more like hell then heaven.

so it's been a real blessing now. Certainly life is not perfect... i do miss my grandma so awefully that i try not to think too much abt it before i get teary... but yet i know i give thanks.. it is when i needed to go through such aweful missing her that i know i had a great relationship with her I cherished so deeply. It'll be a greater loss to not have that great a r/s and hence not feel so sad. So having a deep longing and missing of her but not being able to do anything abt it is not the worse thing. Esp it leads me back to remind and cling unto God's promise of heaven where i will finally see her again.. it's so so so so so awefully long... and difficult to live the rest of the story of my life without her and sharing it with her... but it reminds me, i must learn to live life for God not for my own pleasure.. so even though it's hard, i get on, move on, press on! but yes... life so far has been so good enough for me to thank God and remember to share His blessings to His people by being more sensitive to others' needs...

it's not like what people think ... i do face challenges at work, i get teary when i think of my grandma and go thr life without her, i face tough people, i face a mountain of work that i constantly stay back not coz i'm inefficient (i believe)... haha.. but yet perhaps coz the last year has been so tough, nothing beats it this year...

if i face high workload, i give thanks so much knowing i have so much work i love to do, to do... instead of having no opportunities to do the work i love...

if i face tough people who challenges me openly, i give thanks so much knowing it is far better to know they have a problem & they are saying it openly to me rather than me knowing they have a problem but they refuse to say it...

if i miss my grandma so much, i remember i had a great r/s that i could miss her so much...

if there is anything else i dislike so much that i rather die, i give thanks coz it's not tt big a deal... it's ok, i'll just go thr it coz even if i would die, then i will be happy to see my grandma again sooner...

so... nothing really seem to make my life miserable..

Perhaps one of the greatest gifts God gave me through the year of many losses and great challenges is a heart that can find it's way to joy whatever the circumstances... it leaves me more contented, happier and more grateful for the little things in my life... like what i blog in my previous post about 'cherish' yes.. that's what i learnt.

but yes i'm needing rest... physically very tired... after all the work! =)

Remember, have you cherished today? =)

My God Reigns

2009-04-18T23:33:00.001+08:00

My God Reigns - Matt Hooper & Jock James
(Verse 1)
I have a hope so sure
An anchor for my soul
My peace in the worst of times I trust in God alone

(Pre Chorus) Let every voice declare it now

(Chorus) My God reigns
His love will never fail me
My God reigns –
He’s ruling over all In all my Life
In every situation
I know My God is greater
My God is over all

(Verse 2) By faith I have believed
And on this truth I stand
No power in life or death
Can take me from His hand

(pre chorus) Let every voice declare it now

(Chorus 2) My God reigns
His love will never fail me
My God reigns –
He’s ruling over all
In all my Life
In every situation
I know My God is greater
(Coda) My God is greater, my God is greater My God is greater, my God is greater
(My God is greater, my God is over all)

Bridge) Above all sickness, above all fear
Above every heartache here
In earth and heav’n – My God reigns!
Above all power, above all thrones
The greatest love I’ve ever known
Today, forever, my God reigns!

The guru!!

2009-04-15T08:59:00.001+08:00

Leslie S Greenberg of emotion focus therapy!

have YOU cherished?

2009-04-12T15:46:00.007+08:00

certainly much have changed in the attitude towards my life since my last blog post.. in fact, MUCH have changed... 1st the song changed the attitude and subsequently my further readings from good books translated the attitude to plans and small actions to make all the difference in my life.

April first week has been superbly packed... i returned home about almost midnight each time but the positive energy has been still rising... I love what i'm doing... though i'm dead tired by the day end. Certainly affirmed my beliefs that our mental capacity is what matters to make things happen. Not our physical capacity. Our brain is so fascinating.

One of the key things in my reflection has been 'cherish' - this word. what does it mean?

Over the past months of God-willed experiences, many people used this on me coz they know i dreaded and feared a difficult reality ahead... the losing of my grandma. They encouraged me to cherish every moment for really, what else could i do? Certainly, i couldn't do anything else to prevent any reality from coming or happening... certainly cherish is all i could do- and how? i asked how could i cherish the best... for indeed, if that's what i can only do, i wanna do that the best way...

My grandma has left us for about a month. Still, everything we do, everyday of our lives, she lived on so strongly in our hearts... it's interesting how we still do things 'for her' (e.g. buy her flowers) when it's really more for us as we cope without her physically with us but yet we continued to want her to live with us in our hearts... it is when she's no longer around that the measure of how much i've cherished her becomes relevant.

I remembered the times when i was still figuring out how best to cherish every single moment with my grandma... in significantly 2 incidences it brought light to me. Once when she called me at home(b4 she was in ICU) and once when i held her hands just 2 weeks before she passed on. i remembered and asked this 'how to cherish best' qns at the point of time the events took place. those 2 incidences were experiences where i was hard-pressed in other areas of my life outside of the reality of losing her.. but because i wanted to cherish every moment i had with her, i could put aside those stressors. Her calling me and my holding of her hand in her dying days became priceless to me. I still remember the voice quality and how it feels to hold her hand.

It is when we cherish, we can turn challenging moments to become priceless and precious memories to us.

these days, it's still difficult to remember she's no longer around and coz we're all still adjusting, we have dreams of us still in hospital with her, battling the days... a little confused that the battle is actually over... officially. but we've cherished the battle journey for sure. it is what makes our relationship so real, so precious and so priceless and what we long for heaven to continue what we've nurtured here on earth. In the context of my experience battling with my grandma on her health with my family, the journey's over. we've cherished.. we need to move on.. I thank God, He's been faithful and we've been on the right track, moving on in different ways and reminding ourselves to do so...

The whole reflection on the 'cherishing' element however spilled over to other areas of my life which is really what changed my life & my attitude as I and my whole family begins this season. my new season at work, and my whole family's new season as a family unit.

Have we cherished every moment?

My last moments with my grandma brought me to remember I ought to cherish what i have now, this moment... everything i have. For soon it'll be ... officially.. over. Everything includes, the stressful times at work or home, the challenges at work and the longsuffering uncertainties... we cherish these... for soon... it'll be ... officially.. over... We must recognize that it is these moments i just described that actually made up ALL of our life's most significant moments/ milestones... think abt it... isn't it true? It is also these moments that we've overcome that the relationships became more significant. If we fail to cherish and we let these opportunities pass us by, we miss out a whole lot of life's most precious stuff!

My 27 years of struggle with my grandma's health led me to discover 1 BIG blessing. It is her poor health leading to my constant fear, dread and burden in life that God blessed me with a beautiful and cohesive family unit, so strong & so connected... over the years, we were forced to come together despite many differences, challenges, we needed each other for only each of us know the fears, the burdens and now, experiences the same loss... the same manner. God has walked a long way with my whole family.. it's ... amazing.. If i had not cherished this opportunity and rejected the burdens the Lord places at home for me, choosing not to play my part at home, spend time outside, not set aside time to attend to family needs, i would have lost this blessing...

Coming back to the other areas of life... i began to learn... we need to cherish... for soon it'll all be over... i'll be going to heaven... while i'm here, let me make the best time i could to cherish every single thing - be it the challenges, the burdens, the fearful boss, colleague, friend etc... it is always there for a reason... (& this statement is not to comfort ourselves) - actually it is a fact! don't ever missed out on the opportunities you can have to make a beautiful difference to this originally irritating, frustrating or uncertain picture. it will soon... be over...

Things will always change whether you make the difference or not... but the difference that matters to us is whether we were involved in the whole process of change from negative to positive. And it is the little things that makes the big difference... at the 100th attempt could be the last one before you witness and enjoy the transformation!

Have you cherished your moments today?

keep going till the Lord takes it away... if He keeps it there... dun give up! God's eyes are on you... do not fear as well...

will we run the race God marked out for us to reach His blessings here on earth AND up there in heaven..?

Forget about the trouble/ inconveniences/ or lost of glory u had to bear while living for God here... Keep moving... keep going... for the glory we share will be far greater in Heaven... and till then... when we meet again in Heaven, we'll have more to share and enjoy...

Press on for Him!

God has a song for me...

2009-03-27T23:04:00.005+08:00

I've been really tired towards the end of the week plus a workshop to run on a beautiful saturday morning... just went through a week... rambling to God how unfruitful my life is serving Him... and if I even am 'serving' with such an attitude... Still, somehow, my feet led me to CG tonight and i've been blessed by the song led by my CGL... the words speaks right to the core of my heart... explaining the reason for my lack of joy in the way i live my life and the inability for me to be more joyful despite much prayers...

This month, at work, our devotion theme is worship... I shared about how much do we adore God in our hearts... coz that's what God asked me... many times when we weigh the pros and cons even in the perspective of asking 'God.. will u remember me in heaven for doing this & that?' it takes away the beauty of doing simply coz you worship and adore your God.. it's not about what you get... and i guess... i've been living a life too constricted by what i can get and not being free to live life in abundant giving, living and ravelling in the joy of knowing God...

Indeed, I could stop and count successes, like i always subconsciously do so, or when people around me do so... to judge me and evaluate my competence... but whether in their judgement i stand or i fall.... by faith, it is only by grace I stand, not by any achievements which a year of moulding from God left me with none to pride anyway... And it is only in the last year of many losses, that i could count it as my gains... to the glory of my Lord...

If i were to continue to seek greater honor, or count my successes, sinning in the ravelling of blinded beauty from the 'diamonds' in my hands... then... truely i would have lived my life in vain... in misery... in a shrivelled soul... longing and never fulfilled...

Learning... & counting my losses and pain as my gain... to the glory of my Lord... >_<

In Christ alone will I glory...

2009-03-27T22:55:00.019+08:00

In Christ alone will I glory
Though I could pride myself in battles won
For I've been blessed beyond measure

And by His strength alone I overcome

Oh, I could stop and count successes
Like diamonds in my hands
But those trophies could not equal
To the Grace, by which I stand

In Christ alone I place my trust
And find my glory in the power of the cross
In every victory let it be said of me
My source of strength
My source of hope
Is Christ alone

In Christ alone will I glory
For only by His Grace I am redeemed
And only His tender mercy
Could reach beyond my weakness to my need

Now I seek no greater honor
Than just to know Him more
And to count my gains but losses
To the Glory of my Lord

life.. no ifs, no regrets...

2009-03-22T15:34:00.010+08:00

this is a new song from fish... in the pop hits now.. and i quite like it... it's almost the end of Mar now, end of the 1st quarter of my year 2009... 07, 08, 09 has been very significant years and i'm beginning to cherish each moment more... from 07-09, i'm glad some parts of my life has been blogged, as i read it, in some ways i re-lived it... and i experience the flow of big changes in my life... from one season to the next...

i also went through a period of recognizing how difficult it is for one to change even though my personality is a high 'I'. And often in one's inability to move along with changes, issues appear in your life... coz it's basically resisting God's will.. i realise too that interestingly, when one gets to almost the end of one season of your life, it gets comfortable and hard to tell if you are still utterly relying and living ur utmost for Christ alone... that's why, life has different seasons.. it never stay constant, to draw us back to God.

07 is a year that marks the end of one of my life seasons, 08 is a year that marks the shift from one season to another, 09 is a year that begins my new season... it's a wonderful experience amidst the struggles & pain... i have yet to see the beauty... but it will come.. it will...

In the 'moving' phase, there were many issues of letting go... but one i must do... In the changes, i came across new lessons in life: 'letting go... forgiving & loving... relying on God... seeking God alone... staying discipline for God...' these new lessons i know will take me through life in my next season, or even next few seasons -- ways God prepares me in advance for the work He wills for me to complete while on earth... yup i look forward to the day i completes my time here... for i already have much to look forward to now...

today's sermon on loving thy neighbour impacted me... i ask myself what is the real condition of my heart as i live each day now? i think sometimes i'm a living handicap, no longer like my previous abundant self... i need to get that back... and it will only happen when i turn to my true Vine in life... I wanna truely live a life called by God.. in loving Him and His people... Loving is a big thing... encompassing many other components like forgiveness; magnanimity; congruence; generosity etc....

Loving is my theme for this year, zooming in on the above 4 components... these are the 4 that God uses incidences to teach me to finally gain it through Him... and if i stray from Him, i will not be able to gain it... I need to get back to a more discipline Christian life... reading His word coz i need to hear more from Him!

Jia yoU! in loving... no ifs & no regrets.. keep going...

life's rainbow?

2009-03-14T21:50:00.010+08:00

my life seems to be in the rainbow stage right now...

a rainbow has been symbolic as a concept of promise from tbe bible... indeed, a rainbow reminds me of God's promises to be my God who does all things for the good of those who serve Him. this has been a happy ending.. in fact, it hasn't ended, but it's always working towards a happy ending... no matter what happens... like the colours of the rainbow, red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, violet reflects a collage of different emotions of intensity, warmth, coolness and peace... it speaks of my life stage now... but yes, the rainbow will remind me that no matter what emotions I am going thr, God's promises for my family stands..

His mercies are new every morning..

what i cannot exchange for

2009-03-05T23:19:00.003+08:00

1) the beautiful people of God around me at work

2) the beautiful people around me outside of work

3) my wonderful family members the Lord kept close to me in my life

4) my calling & passion

5) the journey of pain to forgiveness

6) the journey of losing to getting back myself

7) the journey of weariness to renewal

8) the journey of never stopping at mediocre but striving for excellence constantly

9) the experience of working with excellent & loving people

10) the experience of relying on God in faith to reach a destiny of hope and perfect promises tt is yet to come, while in the period of darkness

sure i struggle, sure adjustments aren't the nicest thing but

It is in the struggles that i rejoices when i overcome...

It is in the adjustments i'm not comfortable that i heighten in growth, renew my passion, refine my heart...

It is in the anger, pain and heartaches, i grow in love, compassion and forgiveness...

It is in my fear, I grow in trust & faith in God...

these are experiences I cannot exchange for... for how else will I learn these beauties?

maybe a life of great accomplishments, a state of having gained personal achievements and an image of being popular & loved makes anyone envious, or longing for it... but

it is in failures not accomplishments tt we grow,

in serving not achieveing that we reap fruitful, &

in loving not being loved that we're greater blessed...

never dwell on your good times
never dwell on your bad times...
keep going in courage! =)

good times are never final.... bad times are never fatal... it is courage that keeps life going... keeping life eventful... colourful and enriching...

so .. rejoice! each day in the light of His glory and grace..! >_<

longing...

2009-03-04T23:23:00.001+08:00

for a happy ending from God...

been very alone.. unravelling God's mysteries in my life...

Saturday, February 28, 2009

2009-02-28T00:28:00.016+08:00

I accidentally click onto one of my archives blog - to this article below. The flashback to that period of my excitement in meeting my idol, look at that face... haha! i still am as crazy... I've been a happy girl... 2 long years have passed me so shortly... if this is a new season the Lord invites me to tread upon, that previous season ended in 2007 at my peak... a time where future possibilities seemed endless for me... but interestingly i had that reflection... whatever achievements may i gain, what would i have lost, and if my love ones would still be with me... ?

today, this fear comes closer to a reality... it's been a difficult phase... but one i still believe God is leading to a fulfillment of His lovely promises... to me & my family... one that is different and new... so the painful changes are inevitable... but it's been an affirming and encouraging experience in a difficult time like this to testify just the same as then when life was at my peak that... I have the same peace, tt the Lord will lead me to a path filled with His blessings.. just like how i said it 2 years back... this God has been unchanging... & no matter what ups and downs, what losses I may go through... His Grace has been sufficient for me, for His strength will be made perfect in my weaknesses... just as the prayer's been uttered 2 years back, i see it as a prayer answered and a prayer i'm still praying in a time like today...

I have waited in 2008, struggling... I will wait... but maybe, the waiting phase has shifted... in 2009, i am unravelling... God's mysteries... once i do not know and am waiting, struggling to accept the new shifts and changes that took me away from my comfort zone... now i do know, this IS my portion to carry... i will accept and unravel His love in the midst of the challenges...

This has been a good song for my reflection and prayer to God...

"I'm reaching for Your heart, You hold my life in Your hands, drawing me closer to You, I feel your Power renew, nothing compares to this place, where I can see You face to face... I worship You, in spirit and in truth..."

I'll continue & must continue to reach for God no matter how tough or how high the cost is... i can't give up now... this journey will certainly bring me closer to Him even if it does no other good thing other than this... this would be the greatest blessing... for nothing would compare to experiencing Him anew... may I truely desire for this from the depths of my heart.. for it is only then... i will be free from the cares of this world... and worshipping in spirit and in truth...

Monday, April 02, 2007

2009-02-28T00:20:00.003+08:00

my life.. what would it be?
still in office at this late hour. these days i've been staying back very late. It's been a tough year with my attachment of 2x a week at CSL.Today marks the end of my training with Dr John Van Epp - A trainer whom I looked up to as his acheivements are what I aspire to do... He wrote a book on love and relationships that I've aspired to write (using Christian principles but to a public crowd) and he not just did it, his books, his trainings are so well-known. He's been known as the love and sex coach. Oh man... an area to my great interest that I have yet to imagine to aspire to that extent of achievement he has met! Guess it's good to meet him, so now, i have a benchmark to work towards.. & what made him more endearing is that, he's such a charismatic guy, he charmed the entire class with his thoughtfulness and sweet gestures to autograph every single book and chat with every single member! He's really so sweet. He really inspired me to do my PHD so I can be like him, and write a book. but well, let me finish my long suffering MA first.

After all that saga of going for his trainings and talks, I do ask, God, what would my life be like? 5 years later, 10 years later, 20 years later? I cannot quite imagine or dare to dream.In Dr John's training, he shared also about his life, his family, the death of his mother, father, his wife's battle with cancer.. it's so real that in the midst of all the achievements, yes, life has it's share of painful moments and moments we'll faced with our losses... I cannot imagine not just my life, but how my family will be like 5 years later, 10 years later, 20 years later.. I know i'll miss my grandma who may not be there to share my life, or my success all the way.. and i hope i'll not miss more members of my family than her then in my later years. But i know life is so so unpredictable...

If I would have the power, would I be willing to sacrifice all possible achievements just so I could spend togetherness with most of my family members? well.. I know this is beyond me to bargain with God.If I could have my piece of cake and eat it, Lord, I wish I could do what I'm passionate in and do it well, and that my family would be with me to share that joy when that happens.Though I cannot see how my life will turn out to be, whether I'll get a PHD, be recognized as a love guru (as i've fantasized) like the renouned Dr John...but.. somehow, I have the peace, tt the Lord will lead me to a path filled with His blessings.. Nothing outside of His will, will bring me satisfaction. And within His will, 'He has prepared a table for me'.. my ways & my future.Bring me there O Lord... Mould my passion to be in line with your will and bless my ways for your glory... & in the midst of it, no matter what ups and downs, what losses I may go through... May your Grace be sufficient for me, for your strength is made perfect in my weaknesses...In Jesus Name, Amen.

what i caught on mrt

2009-02-15T23:36:00.002+08:00

"Success is never final
Failure is never fatal
Courage is what matters" - Winston Churchill

Way to go!! motto of the year for me! >_<

insecurities...

2009-02-15T22:52:00.005+08:00

just read the reflection page of a journalist in today's papers titled 'old friends, new start'... one of the paragraphs that compelled me to blog my thoughts is:"How many relationships with the special people in our lives, I wonder, have fallen by the wayside because of our insecurities, or a lack of trying?'yah... i asked myself.. how many? Have I ever succumbed to insecurities? how's that related to maintaining my level of congruence?

He also writes another meaningful paragraph about his reflection on his old friend: "It was Dec 1988 by then. I remember not being able to send him off to the airport because I was attending an overnight class bbq at East Coast Parkway. I was sad but not overly so. And as the months and years went by, I remember being strangely unaffected as we lost touch more and more. I guess we both knew instinctively that our lives had changed and that we were moving on with new friendships and new life experiences. But inside, i was bothered by how quickly and easily we had drifted apart - that such a strong friendship could vanish as easily as the morning mist."

I guess the above he wrote sounds familiar to me. When i parted my ways with my sec/ JC friends, I didn't recall being overly sad.. but as i reflected, yes, strong friendships I've built then, how quickly and easily we had drifted... but yet (like what the article reflected) how quickly it picked up when the author met up again with his sec sch buddy!... That's true indeed... for me as well... On another note.. I realized, as i aged... I hold on more to relationships i built.. asking myself if i had done my best not to let it drift like all my friendships before... but then again... i guess, nothing's also really wrong if relationships had to drift.. changes are always inevitable in life.. and sometimes, no matter how one holds on, perhaps the harder one holds on when it has already changed, can we still remain as a good friend to someone? perhaps that's where i needa ask God, do i hold on to the relationship for myself or for my friend?

Who knows...? God help me to pray more for others... and then i guess... He'll tell me then. =)

Congruence

2009-02-14T00:02:00.005+08:00

Congruence is the state achieved by coming together, the state of agreement. The Latin congruere means to come together, agree. As an abstract term, congruence means similarity between objects. Congruence, as opposed to equivalence or approximation, is a relation which implies a kind of equivalence, though not complete equivalence.

In psychology and NLP (Neuro-linguistic programming), congruence could be defined as rapport within oneself, or internal and external consistency, perceived by others as sincerity or certainty.

I need this too!

This is a good song to listen to as i seek congruence *_@

Magnanimity

2009-02-13T23:36:00.009+08:00

A beautiful definition:

Magnanimity (derived from the Latin roots magn- great, and anima, soul) is the virtue of being great of mind and heart. It encompasses, usually, a refusal to be petty, a willingness to face danger, and actions for noble purposes. Aristotle, who called magnanimity "the crowning virtue."

weiggy needs this!

joker vs having a sense of humor

2009-02-13T23:19:00.009+08:00

what an interesting conversation i had with my mum in the car on our way ride back from ttsh... dunno what we talking about.. suddenly she talk about how being a 'joker' and being someone with a sense of humor is different. sometimes, cannot deny my mum has wise moments (or it's me having teachable moments keke!)

this hit me and enlightened me a great deal. indeed being a joker and being someone with a sense of humor is 2 entirely different thing. being a 'joker' is someone who acts like a clown. being someone with a sense of humor requires a good level of congruence, wit and intelligence (e.g. chu1 ge3 liang4 is someone with a sense of humor! clown = jim carrey in 'the mask')

my mum also says, the highest level of one's sense of humor is when you can laugh at yourself. she also says, having a sense of humor is a very essential skill in life. i agree!

somehow, i'm glad although i'm not very teachable by her, she managed to let me caught on some of the values that she believes in... i'm really grateful i VALUE (not that i've attained) a sense of humor, not being petty, not bearing grudges... Although these are like not Big issues.. but it's pertinent LIFE SKILLS so essential for one to live a 'free' life and an abundant life... Although i do not grow up in a Christian family, God certainly is amazingly gracious enough, i still get to learn these things thr His hands at work..

Along the way, i also witness more admirable traits from my mum, my family and beautiful people of God around me whom i'm absolute they're placed by a God who loves me..

To sum up... beautiful traits I admire in the life of beautiful people around me:
1) compassion
2) humor
3) kindness
4) generosity
5) magnanimity
6) fun
7) resilience
8) tenacity
9) strength
10) belief (in pple & life)
11) faith
12) loyalty
13) integrity
14) persistence
15) perseverence
16) consistency
17) initiative
18) congruence
19) passion
20) courage

& prayerfully, may God work it in me...

things i cannot compromise..

2009-02-13T23:03:00.002+08:00

1) my values
2) my love
3) my principles
4) my family
5) my health
6) my genuine friends
7) my passion
8) my calling
9) my identity/ congruence
10) my God

i must remember these things i guard to protect and not compromise no matter what happens, no matter how fearful, no matter how uncertain... God enable me.

how do i fix my eyes on Jesus daily?

2009-02-11T23:05:00.004+08:00

how often do i stray in my daily moments, caught up in the heat of things i love doing or am passionate in...

Lord lord, how do i fix my eyes on You daily and remember i can never ravel in my own glory and strength for it's all an illusion.. all that i work for and gain joy from on my own strength will be gone.. like chasing after the wind..

I guess... i need to pray more, surrender more, let His words be kept hidden in my heart lest i sin against Him - i needa memorize scriptures more and meditate on His words day & night... moment by moment...

Psalm 1:6 "For the LORD watches over the way of the righteous, but the way of the wicked will perish."

Psalm 118:6 "The Lord is for me, I will not fear, what can man do to me?"

I will claim your promises O Lord and not fear what man can do to me but strive daily to walk right in your ways... if they despise me, they despise me, if they manipulate me, they manipulate me... even if this requires them to appear like men's selfish/ evil schemes succeeds but no one thwarts God's plans... I'll just keep walking in His paths, not worry so much, not fret so much, not be in distress so much.. for no matter what happens.. as long as I make sure i choose God's righteous paths, my ways will be watcheth over... and... what can man do to me?...

staying congruent

2009-02-01T22:00:00.003+08:00

that's what i wanna do and need to do... i need to gain back my ability to stay congruent - my emotions, actions and thoughts... this would mean, if i wanna laugh, i can laugh, if i wanna cry, i can cry. if i think this is wrong, i can feel and do things that helps people to know this is wrong. if i think i love this, my emotions, words and actions can show people i love this.

staying and being congruent is not easy as imperfect humans. sometimes we know this is wrong, but we dun act and feel it is wrong and so we hide and we become incongruent- and we struggle. sometimes we like something but coz it is wrong, we dun dare to act and feel that we like it. sometimes we may lack courage. hence, our emotions towards something is not in sync with our actions and thoughts coz we are afraid to reveal ourselves and what we like or dislike. This makes our life complicated and makes our relationships complicated. Incongruent people are the hardest to understand and very often misunderstood. The interesting thing is, they confuse themselves after a while too...

It happens to all of us once in a while esp if we are caught up in occasions we need to guard and protect ourselves and we are afraid to reveal the condition we are in. usually when we feel that we are in a vulnerable position. it is my prayer God will enable me to be & to stay congruent. and i believe staying congruent for a counsellor would be very important. Helping people to find congruence in their lives will be equally as important and liberating for them. the key thing is not to be perfect, but to stay congruent even with our imperfections. if we like something and it is wrong, staying congruent dun mean we reach a stage we no longer get tempted, but it means we can face the fact that we are tempted & struggling. That would be helpful for us to be understood and to understand. This would in turn be the only possible way to enable us to grow in life and to finally work on ourselves.

I have a hope - by Tommy Walker

2009-02-01T21:34:00.001+08:00

I have a hope, I have a future
I have a destiny that is yet awaiting me
My life’s not over, a new beginning’s just begun
I have a hope, I have this hope

God has a plan, it’s not to harm me
But it’s to prosper me and to hear me when I call
He intercedes for me, working all things for my good
Though trials may come I have this hope

Chorus
I will yet praise Him, my great Redeemer
I will yet stand up and give Him glory with my life
He takes my darkness and He turns it into light
I will yet praise Him, my Lord my God

My God is for me, He’s not against me
So tell me whom then, tell me whom then shall I fear
He has prepared for me
Great works He’ll help me to complete
I have a hope, I have this hope

Goodness and mercy, they’re gonna follow me
And I’ll forever dwell in the house of my great King
No eye has ever seen all He’s preparing there for me
Though trials may come, I have this hope

Bridge
There’s still hope for me today

pearl moments in 2008

2009-02-01T21:18:00.000+08:00

1) Reconnecting with my best friend & her humble reminder tt God's love for me is greater than hers
2) Having XY & other solid friends who shared w me their genuine life & love
3) Going thr crisis together with my family as Christians for the 1st time
4) My new colleague :) struggling, learning &loving her
5) Marriages of my good friends

Flowers fr my garden

2009-01-26T17:40:00.001+08:00

I want to remember God daily and reflect on the beauty of His presence everyday in my life..

Look at the drink

2009-01-23T22:56:00.001+08:00

Interesting way to serve huh. Ice outside.. Created by sonia :)

Things tt happens on cg

2009-01-23T22:25:00.001+08:00

Opps..keke!

Oh my goodness!

2009-01-18T18:29:00.001+08:00

This rabbit SO CUTE!! I wanna buy buy buy! PLUS she SO like people to carry. Aww.. *plotting to buy another rabbit* hmm..

what about love & gratitude?

2009-01-15T22:17:00.015+08:00

Questions:

1) Can someone be filled with gratitude if he or she cannot show grace to people?

thoughts: if someone is genuinely filled with gratitude, he or she will not withhold showing grace to someone else coz he or she has been overflowing with gratitude of the grace that has been given to them. doesn't it? it is only when one is not grateful & when one is resentful, he or she withholds grace to others as well.

hence, as all Christians, if we are overflowing with gratitude towards the highest level of grace shown to us from Christ, should all be gracious to His people. When we withhold grace, it reflects of the condition of our hearts.

2) Can someone be filled with joy if he or she chooses not to want any pain and hence not risk loving at all?

thoughts: if someone does not risk loving or hurting, how can he or she ever be happy? can they? I guess that is what the saying means: ' it is more blessed to give than to receive'... & out of my deepest pain coming from the consequences of love, I am convinced, it IS more blessed to give than to receive..

Jesus Christ went through the highest level of pain and sacrifice out of His highest level of love for us.. pain certainly is so closely intertwined with love... can't separate it nor do without one sadly... esp it's loving imperfect people like us... therefore, let our first love be to Christ... that's perfect, He's safe to give our devotion to... & out of that stems our courage to love His people & hurt for His people, for if we love Him, we will and must, take care of His sheep.

Blessings to all who loves.. Genuinity lasts for eternity :D

human's greatest longing

2009-01-11T17:55:00.004+08:00

if human's greatest longing is being loved, that explains why the greatest pain human's can't run away from is broken relationships (at home, with friends, with bf/ gf)

haven't one wonders if the way to live life therefore is to know how not to be too deeply involved and hence not feel so much pain, to be able to get up, move on... or better still, not to even feel pain (which usually happens only when u are the one leading to the broken r/s HAHA!...)

well.. perhaps in the journey of pain, i began to appreciate what God is teaching me... perhaps the most enriching life is one where we feel pain. it is in the pain, we know we have loved.. The pain explains that we loved and aren't being loved.. but yah, aren't we all humans imperfect beings? I wondered if someone ever felt pain for me... i feel sorry about it and believed there were... and I'm gg back to these people to appreciate them as one of those most beautiful people in my life.

if human's greatest longing is being loved, i know now how much i needa fix my eyes on God- one who loves me prefectly & one who's love never changes. He loves me the same, even if i choose not to serve Him with all my heart or if i choose to serve Him with all my heart. The sufferings i had to go thr comes from the same loving hands irregardless of my choice... that's a safe kind of love to dwell in and live for... He could heal all of my brokenness. Let me have faith to see to tt day.

Let me daily choose to remember His great love for me.. so that i may never be overwhelmed by brokenness in life... & to choose to live my life to love others the way He does... so that in His Grace, some bits of my life may reflect this God I worship.

Breaking of my fast against

2009-01-11T16:12:00.001+08:00

Fried food.. :)

Atrocious service recovery!!

2009-01-06T13:15:00.003+08:00

can't believe how this restaurant in Singapore runs biz with nil customer service and service recovery skills.. perhaps it's a family biz and it just gets passed on and on..

As blogged in my previous post, my A & E saga due to vomitting and severe abdominal pain made my parents really angry about the unfresh seafood crab we packed for dinner the night before.. coz it ruined our holiday! i feel so bad... =( =( so... they went to the restaurant to complain and get compensation. I usually hate to comnfront such issues and would rather i just make do with the undue 'suffering' of the effects of food poisoning... it really isn't me to even like to talk to authorities.

However, after my parents went ahead to do it, now... i am indirectly involved.. what i can't stand is how for the first time of my life, i had to be questioned by the director and be treated like a suspect as if we lied about the incident and finding ways and means to link the cause to other sources.. Although certainly possibilities are endless but it appears the unfresh crab was the most probable source. it was a pretty disgusting experience... when i bit into a piece, suddenly i bolt from my seat when i realised it smelt as if it's contaminated by faeces. i tried hard not to puke my entire dinner out & took some probiotics hoping it will help protect me from bad diarhoea or food poisoning.. from the contaminated crab i just ate.. & since dinner till morn, no other food was consumed..

the phone conversation was seriously unpleasant to realise over at the other line is this guy sugar-coating his sentences with 'wanting to find out the truth' & 'working very hard' when he is not even interested in the whole story of how his food causes so much drama but picking out on facts to link it to other possible causes..

The irony is, even if I DID NOT get into hospital, isn't his restaurant responsible for serving bad and unfresh crab in the first place? Instead of investigating in his kitchen, he is investigating a stranger and the hospital documents??!?!? (and demanding the report should be given when it make no sense for such personal documents to be passed to a bias party)

that is certainly an atrocious service and nil service recovery knowledge!!!

God help end this episode soon... & not to end it in a bad way... I'm not speaking to any of their staff anymore.. lest i also say any impulsive and angry words... I hope they get their due punishment for their inadequacy to manage their food properly and worse still, when problems happen, to point fingers at others first... something wrong with the top management.

i OFFICIALLY FINISHED PACKING!

2009-01-01T23:21:00.005+08:00

every every single possible corner of my room! yes! i did it! ... oh man.. it feels a little scary... it's a BIG achievement... yah... it's a strange feeling... i actually felt a little sad.. but yet happy.. mixed emotions..

it really is quite symbolic to me how 'the old is gone, the new is here'... although i anticipate the new, as creatures of habit, yes... i feel a little scared.. i need to move on... it is really significant coz yes.. this is a new season..

2008 has been a year God puts a halt to my past season and craft a new season for me to start in 2009...

it is SO significant.

i carry with me many precious moments, memories and things i loved dearly... maybe in this new season, there're some things i had to let go... and God made me in 08... (e.g. BSF, friends, community, way of working, favour, merits etc...) it has been a really painful year... but it helped prepare me into this new season...

i need to walk closely, obediently... so that i will get there... it's new... it's not the old.. i can't use my old ways to walk the same paths anymore... it's a new year... new season... new calling... new roles... not just at work/ at home but... new roles God wants me to play...

God help me..

well.. i came online to think, talk... and i chose a new song to meditate... yes.. the previous song was helpful in one of my painful periods.. i played it on repeat so many times just to go on each day... here's a song from Alarice.. an up and rising Christian song writer.. great vocals and great guitar.. hope you like her songs.. coz i like it a lot... i'm glad i bought her CD which was actually less publicized then the other singer.. but i like hers more coz it's less distracting (with too many instruments..) i hear her songs clearly with her beautiful vocals and beautiful guitar playing...

let me allow God to 'saturate me, envelope me' coz i do i do i do know so well after a year of 08 that 'everything i know falls down to you'... i continue to walk the days of my life for the heavenly places God reserves for me.. how i long for that...

the packing brought back many memories... esp of my svs with YFC... and my feelings now after 08 of service back in the same place.. yet a different experience... & yes.. it is always different.. it's a new season.. (but after reading thr all my convictions in the past, my PSS-es in the past... i know back then, if i could tell my future 5 years later... i would really wanna be where i wanna be now... i wanna be found serving God back here again... ) so despite all my pain... God knows me better.. so well... if HE were to tell me how this year is gonna be like... yah i would run away... but amazing Grace... HE made me go thr.. and HE carried me through all the way... yes i made it... it's 01 Jan 2009 TODAY!

Praise God!... Hallelujah!... The King of ALL Kings... thr it all, thr the pain, the tears or no tears but simply connecting with Him alone thr tears or no tears He knows how we feel... In a painful, dreadful and helpless situation or period of time & coming to the ultimate realisation, recognition and conviction tt in the light of the excruciating pain, lost-ness & journey thr barren land, how great my God is and how much He is still worthy of ALL my utmost - devotion, regard and worship has been a TRUE blessing.. and a real one... yes i'm poorer loads in many areas.. but yes.. this blessing is of eternal value.. i will never forget.. never ever ever... i'm glad He pulled me thr... i completed 2008!! in perfect shape... yah.. shrunk till 41kg.. but yes.. it's never a prob for a lady..

God.. you've been good to me... Thank U... i'll walk on with courage this new season, new challenges, new fears to overcome... working hard to figure things out again... and coming to know You as my God and how precious I am as Your child... each new day...

some funky new year resolutions

2008-12-29T21:14:00.002+08:00

1) Eat, drink and be merry

coz yah i really needa eat to beef up! i need to put on 5 kg... what a wonderful resolution right? i feel so honoured.. who ever has the priviledge having to eat & be merry.. never knew i had to make or remind myself to do so

2) Grow, grow, grow

yah, grow in size, grow in spiritual strength and courage, grow in my life!

3) Don't worry, be happy

yah.. cannot be too emotional.. or think too much or worry too much... and i need to pray to be happy... if not, all things go haywire.. i dun eat, i shrink & i pass out again...

my weekend dramas

2008-12-29T20:49:00.002+08:00

well.. weekend has been a cool one... it was a weekend spent with my family... i made it a point to make sure i focus on spending time with my family and my grandma and to take ALL things bothering me OUT OF MY MIND..

interestingly, this time round, i actually had lots of free time.. but yah.. i still did not choose to focus on the things that bothers me... i read instead of watch TV and i slept early - ok just on the first night..

then... today, this morning, when i woke up, i weighed myself for fun at the scale in the toilet at RTC straits room... and i got the shock of my life.. yeah yeah.. i know all my friends said i slimmed down, and i was pretty cool abt it until i realised how MUCH i shrunk! i weighed 41kg! (and that was after a wkend of eating more than my usual already!) well.. i'm not sure how 41kg sounds to u but for me i was shocked! coz i NEVER weighed 41kg since i grew to 161 cm no matter how slim i was... now.. i know the bad shape my body is in... it scares me.. & what scares me more is... after my washing up, i went down for my free breakfast with my sis.

After like 10 mins of eating, suddenly, i felt a pain in my stomach... i thought it's gastric but yah i never got it so bad... i thought i'll rest a while coz i've just eaten, it'll get well like how it always... but well... no, it sustained and suddenly i just felt myself breaking out in cold sweat, i was just so panicking and calling my sis.. freaking her out and everyone else around me... and i blackout..

Then a nice & quite gan2 chiong1 manager began running around in panic but bringing plastic bag and medicated oil- rubbing furiously on me... with all the movement, i suddenly felt naseous and threw up which made my blood pressure shot up and i regained my conscious.. then they whiz me off to A & E coz i was still in great pain.. i never had it so painful.. it seriously scared me.. and as usual when the doc came after writhing in pain for 1/2 hr, thankfully or not, the pain subsided a great great deal... coz well, it'll be gd if the pain is still there so doc can examin but if after so long the pain is still there, i would seriously have passed out.. so i would rather be spared that agony and truama...!

i felt real bad... i know my parents already have their hands full with my grandma's poor health... i really am trying to beef up my health.. just tt i didn't realise i had A LOT more damage control & recovery work to my body then i thought..

Best scores

2008-12-29T20:48:00.001+08:00

For me and sis throughout all our bowling attempts kekeke!

freshly out.. new year resolutions...

2008-12-22T17:23:00.003+08:00

1) Discipline - health
2) Focus on living ur best for God each day (set S.T. daily goals)
3) Read

well ok... now on to the details:

S.T goal on health = get well from my longsuffering cough

S.T. goal on living my best for God =
- to be serving other people and giving my heart & soul to my family & good friends esp these last few days of my year... they've had too little of me & NOT to be holding on to the things that is bothering me now..

- complete PACKING MY ROOM by hook or by crook..

Read - 'Reaching for an invisible God' & read up on ur counselling stuff! select a book to read!

Genuinity lasts for eternity...

2008-12-22T17:09:00.004+08:00

well hmm... can't believe i'm here again blogging about genuine stuff and phoney stuff... ha ha.. is it that obvious why i'm always falling for superficiality although it's not as if i go for it... yeah i rather not have it... and have the truth, no matter how painful..

I guess... it dawns on me how i need not struggle with 'how i wish' anymore whether it is about the future or about the past. And it is biblical for us not to be stuck in the 'how i wish' mode... God's truths tells me... we are to press on towards the goal... not be stuck on the past (whether it is past glories or past shames) 'how i wish that moment stayed' or 'how i wish i didn't do that' etc...

well as i thought more, it dawn on me genuine stuff last for eternity, i need not pine for it. whatever has been past, if it's genuine, it's always there... if it has not been genuine, then.. aren't you better off without it?? since it's not the truth. yeah... although sometimes when the truth hits you, it just aint easy to believe ... 'you mean that is the actual case?!?!?!' but yeah, Lord, help me take it in... and i know, it is only when God helped me see that big lack in my life in it's real state can i then know what i clearly need from Him... and as usual, it is then, He will provide...

so... i press on towards embracing the painful truths laid in front of me (which itself is a process) as i humbly seek my Lord to fill me and pick me up again.. >_<

Nice snack

2008-12-20T14:29:00.001+08:00

Haha!:)

Tiramisu

2008-12-20T14:17:00.001+08:00

Latte

2008-12-20T14:15:00.001+08:00

With brown sugar cubes!:)

what is full-time ministry?

2008-12-08T19:56:00.005+08:00

i've been reflecting on this for a while... In FY, we are 'taught' to give our best, adopting the spirit of excellence for we serve God our King... In FY, i sense the strong drive most people who stay in this work have... and they inspire me constantly esp the longer they work... this value is caught not taught (in other words)

in choosing to leave FY this year to serve God, i reminded myself to do the same.. in fact, i ought to give more... my utmost coz it's for God and directly doing His work this time... yes.. & that explains why i feel so exhausted emotionally and mentally when this year is coming to an end...

Naive and impulsive and gan3 qing2 yong4 shi4 has always been a recurring theme in my life i dunno why... God when will i steer away from this? i guess one way i've discovered this year is to keep talking with people, hear from them, get advice and this helps me cope with my impulse and drive that sometimes i go b4 God says go... & although i recognize this, i fell again this year coz i failed to do this... talk with people...

I guess i did learn a lot... about myself and my shortcomings... i need to be more disciplined in my time with God.. i guess, if i had done that, maybe, He would have certainly told me b4 i fell again.

I can't quite believe why i could fall in this way... wrong to want to give too much, work too hard?? but i guess the answer is yes esp if it's b4 God coz then it's not solely and fully for Him.. if it's about Him and Him alone, even if i'm wrong, i'm wrong... I guess I never regret making this decision and I know I won't regret falling in this way this year... He will heal me and make me well... and in the years ahead, He will make me flourish and fruitful and I know now clearly, fruitfulness indeed comes from Him and Him alone..

I still believe in the spirit of excellence in all that we do... we must always give our best.. esp if it is God's work... otherwise, how is that a testimony of God as the King of all Kings?? i pray that my life and work will continue to carry this attitude... God, the King of all Kings, will deserve our utmost worship and service... & God I need your help to do this... esp in aspects of my life i still struggle with sin...

meeting God in the lowest points of life

2008-11-30T21:00:00.003+08:00

I know i really need to depend on God and live for Him... How easily will I choose to still ravel in the things of this world whenever they come my way.. drawing temporary comfort, only to be disappointed again and again..

I don't know how to help myself and perhaps, it truely is to just be alone although this seems to be a fearful thing to do especially in this period where i struggle most with loneliness... but maybe the only thing i have to do to let Him satisfy and fill me again.. It is only when I choose to let go (and not try my ways) can He then use His ways to help me.

I need to be alone ............... or away from what i can't bear to let go of.

I need God most now... and it's strange why i still wanna hold on to what i have now when it hinders me to have Him as my all in all.

reaching for the invisible God

2008-11-23T14:30:00.002+08:00

It's been good since i've made that decision I need God more than anything, anyone or to do anything else... I guess now it is remembering this decision to seek Him and not get distracted coz it is so having to extract myself from my usual way of living life with God at the back of my mind not in the centre.

It does not mean the pain is gone but that what's ahead looks good as long as I keep on the right track. Reading the book by Philip Yancey 'reaching for the invisible God' for this truely is what I wanna do to wrap up my year...

Lord when you say go, then, it is then I go... let me not take another step ahead of you again (maybe i'll make the same mistake again and again.. but make me not do it too often)

Through it all... the effort, the time, then the pain, the heartaches, the failures... but i'm glad through it all (of the above) I know God loves me...

That's where it all leads to I guess, for this year of mine.

in passing

2008-11-20T23:26:00.003+08:00

it surprises me how you can be touched by people who spent years with you, everyday with you and even a moment with you. Yes, recently i had a talk with a person. Someone who seems to hit the nail on the head to what God is wanting to say to me, whenever we are talking 'in passing' unplanned etc... He's someone who gives power statements that hit the core of my heart...

This evening, I made an appointment with him... He's an elderly man... It has been liberating to finally be able to talk to someone who knows what I am talking about things at work and in my life... This person certainly isn't my good friend or a close person... but i guess that is why i believe in the power of counselling... That it will allow me to be a 'healer' through words even for people I may not have the chance to be friends with.

He shared his past letter with me that captured his reflections of His past work experiences... 'no pain, no gain' He wrote it so well, there is no way I can rephrase:

" One of God’s most effective means in our growth process is “failures”. Many of us are frantic over the fact that we could actually fail in life! And if possible, we’ll do everything we can to hide it, ignore it, or rationalize about it! And all the time we are resisting the main instrument in the Father’s hand for conforming us to the image of His Son!
Failures in our christian life and service are allowed and often engineered by God in order to turn us completely from ourselves to His source for our life – Christ Jesus, who never fails.
The believer who’s going through struggles and set-backs is the one who’s being carefully and lovingly handled by the Lord in a very personal way. God works by paradoxes! Success comes through failures; life springs out of death. A thousand and one things are used by our Sovereign Lord to bring out our frailties and limitations, ultimately enabling us to see that the christian life has to be “not I, but Christ” Galatians 2:20

Of all the needy classes of people, the most pathetic of all are not those who are having a heart breaking, agonizing struggle for victory, but those who are having no struggle at all, and hence no victory. These are the ones who do not know the deep struggles that exist within, but who are complacent and end up drifting along not knowing all the possessions that belong to them in Christ!"

This will be my most significant lesson... words I won't forget for a long time... as a personal lesson...

Rays of God's blessings

2008-11-05T22:56:00.006+08:00

Nights are sometimes the hardest to bear during your darkest times... You just can't see the 'light' (literally as well) and isn't sure when will the 'night' end... In one 'dark' sleepless night, where i couldn't see how to wake up to face the day and days ahead... in the early morn when the sun rays fell on my face, somehow, the 'darkness' (in my heart) fade away (literally as well when the morn came)... As I walk out of the house to face the day, I remember God's promise that the 'sun' will always shine the next day... I just need to hang in there... God's blessings are always there.. and yes, the blessings that are visible are also just round the corner...

Rays of God's blessings... from the morning sun.

to be in His presence

2008-10-31T23:33:00.003+08:00

been struggling with my emotions & reflections again... i remembered to call out to God... and He helped me remember why I live and whom I live for... Certainly things of this world grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace...

Certainly I've took many people and many things for granted.. May I learn to live in a renewed way come 2009...

God help me through this year striving for You... Don't let me give up being your servant, an encourager and a friend.

Loneliness

2008-10-27T22:46:00.007+08:00

I'm really pretty amazed by wikipedia... loneliness has been a state i'm in currently for the past few months or maybe this entire year.. decide to blog about it or googled for some inspiration.. wikipedia brought me to this explantation which is so apt, so profound:

"Loneliness is an emotional state in which a person experiences a powerful feeling of emptiness and isolation. Loneliness is more than the feeling of wanting company or wanting to do something with another person. Loneliness is a feeling of being cut off, disconnected and alienated from other people. The lonely person may find it difficult or even impossible to have any form of meaningful human contact. Lonely people often experience a subjective sense of inner emptiness or hollowness, with feelings of separation or isolation from the world."

I think the above puts my emotional state in such a specific manner, it almost instantly helped me understand how best to help myself get out of it... the definition enabled me to verbalize how i totally feel about being lonely...

I've never really quite been lonely before or ever describe myself to be feeling lonely although perhaps in my teenage years i should have been thr a period like this before... it's been so long ago... i've always been around the most lovely people since I became a Christian... and been so purpose driven and my life has been so purposeful, enriched and i've always felt belonged everywhere even when there's no one else physically around me...

Perhaps God intended to place me in such a state of loneliness this year.. for me to find Him and Him alone to walk thr with me this season. Just like David says in Psalm 139:10 'even when i'm at the far side of the sea, even then your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast...' it is in such a lonely state, i read this verse with conviction.

My family's carpenter

2008-10-24T22:09:00.001+08:00

My dad build this for my grandma. Out of a bed and wood from portions of the fence from my backyard. Haha!

It'll be nice if i could..

2008-10-18T20:09:00.002+08:00

1) watch a movie!!
2) watch a dance performance by my friends
3) have a day out in the beach
4) talk with my friends i had not find time to meet
5) fly somewhere with my friends

differences...

2008-10-12T19:17:00.004+08:00

I googled images for differences and found this... this is so coolZ! ... a very apt photo!! kekeke! i love it! a GREAT reminder.. must print out...

differences are not always bad although it brings some discomfort... & uncertainties... to us this year i experienced many differences to my life... my family, my colleagues, my friends, my boss, my workscope, my involvement in church, my availability, my social life... and i'm learning loads...

if one is able to effectively manage differences, differences are able to enlarge & enrich one's life more abundantly... I hope i can continue learning through all these differences... and learn to take life less seriously esp things of my human centred views, goals and perceptions... pray more, read His word more diligently... embracing and yielding to what God has willed... remembering my purpose to live for God and no one else..

even though a thousand fall by my side

2008-10-03T00:05:00.003+08:00

my supervisor sent me this indonesian song translated in chinese.. certainly speaks of what i would want to declare from my heart... there's chinese & english version! >_<

the chinese version and english seems to be a bit different in terms of the lyrics... the chinese lyrics seems to be more inline with what i wanna sing. so i decided to put both for your listening pleasure.. coz the english version is sung very well.. chinese version i think is live worship... eh... a bit charismatic.. but still a pleasing worship

although my devotional song is still the hokkien song reminding me of God's unchanging love for me. :) so i left it... (so now got 3 music files in my blog) =P

Walau Seribu Rebah - (Even though a thousand fall)

2008-10-01T17:39:00.004+08:00

Mercies that rise with the new morn
Set me apart as a new born
Each moment I live, by faith I believe
With You I'm never alone

Darkness may come, trials seem so long
You are the light I depend on
Through valleys and storms, Your word keeps me strong
My shelter, refuge and song
I trust in You

Chorus :
Everyday I live
I know You are my God
I lift my face and look to you my Lord
Even when the mountains tremble & a thousand fall...
I will stand with You
My Jesus
Take my all

Jesus You love me...

2008-09-30T18:47:00.004+08:00

Not sure how many understands Hokkien... I bought this CD of lovely hokkien songs for my grandma which I believe ministered to me more...

Well if you do understand Hokkien, it speaks so much to my soul during this time..

It says:

Where does the wind comes from?
Who does understands how one feels?
Jesus You love me, this I know

When does the rain comes?
Who do I depend on?
Jesus You love me, this I know

I will depend on Him in my life
When I am lonely without companion
Your words fill me
When I have nowhere to go
You are my Shepherd

I want to be near to You
Follow your decrees
Jesus You love me
You will lead me

Jesus loves me, Yes I know...

T_T

2008-09-30T18:20:00.002+08:00

I’ve always loved to attend weddings… once in a life time event marking the start of a significant milestone of one’s life where your life now, is journeyed as a pair… One of those weddings I cannot bear to miss would be those of my closest friends.

One of the weddings I’ve certainly anticipated much must have been hers. I’ve prayed for her life partner before I saw him. Meeting her boyfriend was an answered prayer (despite the initial shock). As I looked at her wedding photos, it touched my heart even more to see how truly lovely she looked and also how her husband-to-be looked… I thank God for enabling that. Over the years of journeying with her, seeing how she faithfully waited for this joyous day that marks how God fulfils His promise of taking care of her, makes her wedding an even more anticipated event to me. I did not just hope to attend it; I would have hoped to be more involved in a major way. In fact, I’ve thought about her wedding so long ago… & it’s finally coming… She’s been such a treasure & yes, a treasured friend. I’ve often wondered how I could have been a better friend to perhaps make me feel better sharing this undeserving friendship where I’ve often felt she gave more no matter how I’ve tried.

One of the things I believe honors a good friend is being a part of significant events with them. I’ve missed her 21st bday celebration and it has always been my regret. How could I miss her big day this time?

It is in this year, being in such helpless situations where I began to recognize indeed God is God and no man can ever be in control of anything. And I experience this more in this very moment as I go through the fear of not being able to attend a good friend’s wedding no matter how much I’ve anticipated, desired to be involved & would hate myself so much if I had to miss it… I feared this since the beginning of the year where I saw my grandma in and out of hospital several times each month… Each time this fear came, I continued to believe that in the loving Grace of God & in His lovingkindness, He would not rob me of this chance to attend, help and participate in her wedding. But as her wedding draws nearer, my fears grew bigger… my grandma’s health never got better and uncertainties grew surer… & in a moment like this, I cannot help but willfully asked God ‘Of the so so many things that are already happening, why would you be so unfair to me even in this?’

Perhaps one of life’s greatest pain other than losing one’s loved ones, is also not being able to fulfil the things you hope to do for someone you loved & treasured…

Lord, would Your Grace be sufficient for me till her wedding day?

Lovely sight fr the oximeter 100% oxygen

2008-09-29T06:48:00.001+08:00

100 marks hav always been desired huh... For the young till old. My grandma's been gaining high scores.. Above 90-100 marks.. Keke!:)

I want to...

2008-09-24T16:02:00.002+08:00

1) care more about God and His word rather than rushing to do things seemingly for Him

2) care more about loving the people close to me rather than striving for achievements in life

3) care more about the time I spend with people from my heart rather than about how they see me

4) care more about the quality of my work rather than how much tasks I can complete in the shortest time

One desire - Lenny Leblanc

2008-09-24T15:55:00.002+08:00

If I could have one desire
Before my life is through
Even in my darkest night
My light would shine for You

You are my saving grace
Anchor of my soul
In a world that's turned upside down
I want You to know

You are my faithful friend
The One that I lean on
You always understand
With all that I amI'll give You the deepest devotion I know
With all my strength
I won't let You go
As I look to You above
I will give You all my love

If I could have one desire
Before my life comes through
I will tell my heart to burn with fire
For no one else but You
This is my one desire...

A time for everything

2008-09-19T23:24:00.003+08:00

" a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,

a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace..."

This is a special season for me... & i realised i'm not fitting in coz i'm still living on my past efforts... I'm starting a new season... and so it's a time I may not be having the usual fun... but it's a new season ...

i'll reap the fun another time... now's the time i'm working on it...

Living to worship & give You praise O Lord

2008-09-15T00:00:00.004+08:00

While in the toilet arguing with God one day...

' Why am I in this state in this situation?? What have I not done enough? sure I am not perfect but hasn't I tried to do what is right and what you wanted? I just do not have enough strength and capacity to go on in this state.. if you want me to, then give me sth to keep me going... like you always did... why did you not help me this time? why can't i hear you? you said you will answer me when i call unto you? i'm calling!!! why hasn't you answered or give me any answer to keep me going?'

'have you really tried to accept my will and seek me to help you?'

well at this point of checking on myself, i realized due to the high anxiety things that is happening at home, although i did pray to Him out of desperation, i haven't seek Him and listen to what He is trying to say, which may be what I needed to keep going... sure i haven't been too happy as well on having to embrace the situation laid before me...

I dunno how to settle down to read the word or read from where when so much is happening each day... I decided to tune in to worship songs for a start.. and it helped remind me a lot about what am I here for and living for... Here's a recent song that speaks to my soul... in a lively manner which really uplifts me... from the 'pit' for the past 3 weeks..

I've learnt to rejoice each day living my best for Him... that's all that matters.. Dun have to plan to do great things by the end of the year or 3 years down the road... One who is faithful with little things will be given more... Let me learn to be faithful for 1 day ... every 1 day... day by day...

Can I even live to worship & give Him praise faithfully for just 1 day? & to keep that up?

live to worship & give Him praise

2008-09-14T23:54:00.001+08:00

Lyrics to Live To Worship - Point Of Grace :
A simple offering is all that we bring
We give our lives, claim You as King
We are Your servants and before You we bow
With every breath we make this vow

Chorus
We will live to worship, give You praise
With all our hearts for all our days
Father we want to do what
You created us to
We will live to worship You

Our every moment is a gift of Your grace
We are all Yours, now and always
More than just words, oh Lord, the cry of our hearts
Is to let our lives speak of how great You are

Chorus
You are worthy, You are holy You alone are deserving
You are holy, You are worthyYou alone are deserving

2 highest commandments

2008-09-07T23:37:00.006+08:00

1) Love the Lord my God with all my heart and mind and soul

I wonder how much of this highest and most important commandment from God am I living out the every day of my life... can't quite understand why my spirit gets wearied so easily and perhaps it is in a time like this for me, it's a test of how much of me i live for Him... It's a saddening fact to wonder if my answer is 'a little' all this while... despite the seeming costs i tried to bear...

2) Love your neighbour as yourself

One of those things that zaps my energy i believe is forming self-centred relationships... & not forming God-centred ones... no one relationship, anyone, anything or any situations can make our lives complete... and in forming self-centred relationships, we hurt others and ourselves... getting trap in a downward spiral of disappointments one after the other.. if we can only form God-centred relationships... all things & all relationships at whichever stage, in whatever situation, lies in the sovereign control of God.. then certainly, there's not going to lead to so much distress in this world...

and that's why in heaven, we'll all be happy... finally being able to live out all that we are created to do and fulfill perfectly...

God help us now.. till we get there...

a time of peeling layers of 'me' away

2008-09-03T22:20:00.012+08:00

Its been raining everyday since my grandma got into ICU. Been spending my everyday in ttsh, praying and singing to my grandma.. and at intervals where i'm not in ICU, i'll be staring into the clouds at the highest level of the building... calling out to God in my heart... wanting so very much to hear from Him...

I remember Psalms 4:1 and as I look at everything, everyone & everywhere around me, I recite this verse in my heart " Answer me when I call to you, O my righteous God. Give me relief from my distress; be merciful to me and hear my prayer.."

Wearied emotionally, wondering when there'll be an end & where everything will lead to each day..? what am i to do with my life now... with everything coming to a standstill?... i can't quite recall a time i got into a stuck and dreadful situation where i contemplated giving up my faith but this time i felt so dreadfully upset with God... I am just not happy... and i've lost so much this year.. what more should you still want from me? (if you want to take her away, why leave me and my family to dwell in such long days of uncertainty with emotional upheavels daily)

Each time i pray for my grandma, and sing her songs about God's presence, i feel that i'm singing to myself to remember. Today, i felt that i can't pray anymore.. and i dunno what to pray for anymore... i can't pray for her to be sustaining or better gradually each day esp when she is so ill & suffering and seeing her sustaining or gradually better each day makes her suffer longer... yet i can't exactly pray for her to go @ this uncertain stage although i do sometimes but my family seems to be praying differently from me... i dunno what to pray for her, i dunno what to pray for my family...

I was afraid and wondered if i'm losing it... how can i even think about not praying or giving up on my faith? I really am just not happy... can't find joy... then... i remembered this song (below) and i realised what the problem was...

"It's all about You, Jesus..
And all this is for You, for Your glory and your fame
It's not about me... as if You should do things my way
You alone are God & I surrender to your ways"
(*click on music video bottom left of my blog page- lovely song >_<)

Why am i thinking about what makes me happy and what i want to do with my time and my life now? & this is primarily causing me the greatest distress... Certainly there're many things i wanna do that makes me happy... but really.. what is life all about? me or God?

what a time of peeling layers of 'me' away this year... indeed as i asked 'what more should you still want from me?' the answer is without any traces left - 'everything' that belongs to Him.

I know i can't do that... but God is helping me to... & even in a time like this, i realised i forgot to remember the beauty of His hands leading my mum, sis and me to pray together, minister to my grandma, pray for her in teochew (until rev Lau reminded us)... this was an impossibility which only thr a time like this, He made it possible.

God help me through these uncertain days ...

Jesus Lover of my soul (It's all about You)............. May I never forget this...

2008-09-03T22:13:00.002+08:00

It's all about You, Jesus

And all this is for You

For Your glory and your fame

It's not about me

As if You should do things my way

You alone are God

And I surrender to your ways

Jesus, lover of my soul

All consuming fire is in Your gaze

Jesus, I want you to know

I will follow you all my days

For no one else in history is like you

And history itself belongs to you

Alpha and Omega, You have loved me

And I will share eternity with You

A little sth

2008-09-02T21:48:00.001+08:00

To help me thr my day at ttsh..

Suprise at ttsh

2008-09-01T18:25:00.001+08:00

My sis' teachers' day gift. They made a teddy bear for her! I love her blue nose:)

wait

2008-08-14T23:35:00.002+08:00

wait

Holy, Holy, Holy is Your Name (2X)

All I am belongs to You
All I have comes from You
All my hopes I lay before You Lord
Father give me a yielding heart

I will wait on You
I will seek Your Name
Lord pls help me to wait
Teach me to seek
Your Name, Your Holiness

plays with:

G D C Em D (2X)

C D G (2x)
C D G Em
C D G
(repeat)

been thinking

2008-08-11T22:38:00.004+08:00

yah nice flower yah? reminds me of the past weekend where i had some time to myself and to look at the things around me...

but well... was pretty pre-occupied...

Constantly whispering 'God help me'... well, it certainly isn't like the nicest feeling if you were to think about it, where you are constantly in the verge of calling out 'God help me, pls help me'

yah some things just can't get out of my mind, and some things i just can't understand...

but well... i realised, actually... isn't this how we should live our lives?? constantly relying on God!! And that's the whole problem.. we do not commune with God enough whenever we are doing ok... we will naturally slip into the 'relying on our own strength' mode..

so yah... i realised this is what God is wanting me to remember... what's wrong with calling out to Him 'i need you God' daily and very often even in moments of the day? perhaps He has to put me in this state for me to even remember to call on Him... maybe THIS is what i have to be learning... even if it's not in time of need.. then i should be whispering 'Thank God for all this'...

1 more things i thought about on my way home in the car:

* We should NEVER get comfortable with things that are not ours and given to us by GRACE...

(2 levels)

1) never get comfortable with things that are not ours but given by friends who blesses us to enjoy out of their grace (e.g. invite me to places i cannot go on my own, buy me stuff i dun buy myself, lend me stuff that are not mine, drive me around... etc..etc..)

2) this statement actually also includes basically everything we have right now, which if we were to recognize in the correct perspective - it's never ours and given to us only through God's GRACE... and that's how we ought to live... never get too comfortable with where we are and what we have right now...

coz when we get too comfortable, that's where we get into trouble with moving on in life...

ok... that's only for my understanding... >_<>

consolidating thoughts and moments

2008-08-11T17:59:00.003+08:00

my personal time last friday was not long but well... yah i reflected the night before, plus on my way to the park.. etc... i realised:

1) I feel suffocated
work, people, situations... omgosh...

2) I neglected my interests
friends, social work, counselling, studies

some corrective actions I wanna do:

1) do not spend all my days in a week in YG work

2) talk to friendssssssssssss dun just talk/ depend on whoever is around u

3) re-connect with people I have put aside due to unforeseen circumstances

4) & do not neglect my family when I re-connect with people

5) read more! (books etc..)

6) spend regular time with God...

7) be still

8) try to play some sports/ exercise/ swim

9) work hard and finish the race this year (dun look back)

10) remember God daily/ think of Him

Have a fruitful 5 months!!! >_<>

still waiting ... still learning

2008-08-11T17:52:00.002+08:00

started my year with the theme 'waiting' and 'learning'...

a mid-point check over the past weekend tells me... i'm still 'waiting' & ' learning'...

well ok... so that's where i am... and still am...

new insights from my sharing in JAP

2008-08-04T23:38:00.005+08:00

Lord i want to pray for my friends...

If i love my friends, i will pray for them and pray with them.

It is so easy sometimes for me to want to be a 'hero' to do things for people, relief them by my own strength which so often is a trap. Only God, you can heal and help and enable them.

Lord i need to help people or love people with a more prayerful attitude.

i need to start praying with them and for them more before i help or do anything for them...

i need to not make them thank me or be grateful to me, but to God, whom i am only a channel that reminds & bring them back to who their helper and redeemer is.

trusting God in this instance

2008-08-02T19:59:00.004+08:00

what does that mean? each season of my life, trusting God demands tt i let go of different things i hold dear to...

Trusting God in this instance means... it doesn't matter what I can do now (esp. when i felt stifled as to what I can and cannot do)

what is to come will come, what is to last will last regardless of what I do... if i've done my best...

God help me give my heart to you in this season... it's difficult.. esp in relationships...

T_T

so cute! keke!

2008-07-26T20:45:00.004+08:00

look alike? (I meant the beanie and my grandma) hahaha! such a pity it's blurred... >_< :D

I thank God every week we can bring her out... despite the hassle, i salute my family for persevering week after week, 'loading and unloading' my grandma from house to wheelchair, from wheelchair to car... then from car to wheelchair and from wheelchair to restaurant.. then from restaurant to wheelchair, then wheelchair to car then from car to wheelchair... then from wheelchair to bed... finally home...

each time needing 3-4 people... and i guess, that's what bonds my family..

In all things, God works for the good indeed. : )

Jesus, Beautiful Saviour

2008-07-24T00:54:00.002+08:00

Jesus, beautiful saviour
God of all majesty
Risen king
Lamb of God
Holy and righteous
Blessed redeemer
Bright morning star

All the heavens shout your praise
All creation bow to worship you

How wonderful, how beautiful
Name above every name, exalted high
How wonderful, how beautiful,
Jesus your name
name above every name

Jesus, I will sing forever, Jesus i love you, Jesus i love you

Jesus, Beautiful Saviour...i need u

2008-07-24T00:22:00.007+08:00

Just came back from the last day of WCC... finally met my idol Dr Wei-Jen Huang, and as how he has impacted my life through listening to a CD from him, certainly hearing from him these 3 days makes my admiration for him more real.. I truely am thankful for the beautiful life God has shaped him and the beautiful stories he shared from his speech and his life and his marital r/s with his wife..

I also glean a lot from the worship sessions of these 3 days... one song most beautiful to me is the song of my title 'Jesus, Beautiful Saviour' from Planet Shakers..

during these 3 days, as much as i've learnt so much, somehow i still do not quite grasp all aspects of my life esp one particular friendship.. one of which i turn to God and say to Him many times, i really can't do it anymore... and if my friends were to understand, i seldom ever say 'i can't do it'... T_T but yes, i can't... i will hang on.. & hanging on i hope would also be a journey of my worship and devotion to God... as i look forward to that one day i will say, it is by God's grace He led me to where i am in this friendship.

serving where i am this year has been so hard.. not the physical work... but having to truely serve God 100% with my heart, for I am in a position, i have literally nothing except to serve Him and live for Him... i have no money, no annual leave, no achievements.. and to be suddenly struck with the sheer difficulty coming from me to truely serve Him is a humbling experience... haven't i been wanting and striving to serve Him all these years??... perhaps.. and perhaps also always tinted by aspects i can still reserve for my own interest, doing Godly things but also things i love doing and tt brings self-satisfaction.. not that it was intentional but yes, it just came with it...

I know that this is a good year of refining my heart.. and it is only when i can see worldly achievements as a chasing after the wind, and not even derive satisfaction from it, and solely be able to rejoice in the sheer fact of serving my only King, Jesus and Beautiful Saviour that i can safely say i am serving him, wholeheartedly...

and as of now, dear Lord, i realise i am so unable and needing you so much... there really isn't any one year (no matter how long i have been a Christian, or how much i thought or maybe really have grown) that i can live on my own... the sin of pride & self-centredness will never leave me till i get to heaven...

i know how i live and serve for the next 5 months of my life here in YG will speak a lot about my readiness to live for God back in FY for the next 4 years... if i can't derive joy within this 5 mths (in this place i know i can only serve God and yield no benefits or achievements), then perhaps, i'm not ready to return.. well i will have to return... but i pray Lord, i will be ready then... make me ready...

reflections on pearl moments...

2008-07-13T22:55:00.005+08:00

i'm looking forward to meeting face to face with one of my 'idols' from 2008 WCC... Dr Wei-Jen Huang... and together with in the conference, Dr Tan Siang Yang (local) 'idol' of mine... one of those few people i really look up to in the counselling arena. excellent people with great extent of knowledge and wisdom ...

'pearl moments' is introduced by Dr Wei-Jen Huang. seriously cannot remember exactly how he described this concept of 'pearl moments' but can only remember the last time i heard it, my mind was so totally captured by his profundity... the attempts i tried to explain this concept to my friends to share how 'cool' he is just really leaves me disappointed by how unable i am to even regurgitate what he said...

well... just to attempt again so as to blog about it, pearl moments basically are significant moments in our lives. but of course, that's not the entire concept behind 'pearl moments'. Dr Huang first illustrates what a pearl is, the beauty and why it is precious to most women. Pearls are like gems. and what are they used to do? they are usually used to be strung up together - making a precious and beautiful necklace. Dr Huang desribes that life is made up of pearl moments strung together... and so pearl moments are what's important for one to recognize.

>_<

when i realise...

2008-07-03T21:26:00.003+08:00

things aren't the way i wanted and thought it would be...

things dear to you aren't as sustainable as you hope it would be...

things that always work dun always work all the time in every circumstance and to everyone

then i realise...

I need to remember God is the one that walks before me to lay the path

I need to remember to be willing to wait.. wait... WAIT...

T_T

just wanna sing...

2008-07-01T22:19:00.003+08:00

=) tonight i just wanna sing this song...

God I thank you and know that it is always You who is working...

I thank you for encouraging me in the work I wanna give up but pressed on by Your strength..

I thank you for this Grace..

Your love has been sweet...

I wanna remember to walk with you all my days

I want you memorized and constantly on my mind...

Lord I thank you for A, D, M, T, K..., J, A, X, every soul you've place in my path it will be You who enables...

I deserve none of that Grace and trust and only You could melt any heart...

Keep me faithful Lord..

Keep me having one desire that is to burn with fire for You...

Let me have an undivided heart..

I wanna wanna wanna remember to walk with you all my days

I want you memorized and constantly on my mind...

Thanx ray! for lending me the CD... >_<

=)

2008-07-01T22:16:00.001+08:00

Artist : Point of grace
Song : By heart
Words & music by sean hosein, dane deviller
and pam sheyne

Your shining light
Has changed my life
It’s like I’ve found my way home
I know you’re near
Hear you loud and clear
I could live on this feeling alone
Everywhere I go you are right there beside me
Anytime of night or day

(chorus)
Your name is on my lips
Your love I can’t resist
Got to be with you wherever you are
I want you memorized
So when I close my eyes
All I have to do, is keep loving you
By heart

I don’t have to see
See you to believe
That your not going away
I know you’ll be
Watching over me
You’re the shelter that’s keeping me safe
I know your arms they can
Reach out to hold me
Even when I’m feeling alone

Comes naturally
Like every breath I breathe
Don’t have to think
It’s second nature to me
I close my eyes
And you are there with me
You know me you see me
You hear me
You heal me

i'm still thinking...

2008-06-29T00:16:00.002+08:00

how does friendships get precious & dear to your heart?

does a friend becomes more dear to you coz he/ she does so much for you and pursues you with love?

OR

does a friend becomes so dear to you coz you choose so much to love and pursues him/her with love?

seems a long time i did a poll from my blog.. but sure.. all are welcome to help share ur views... do you choose option 1 or 2?

in every friendship i realise, it not necessarily consist of 2 of the above components concurrently in order for it to be a precious & dear r/s to you... (i.e. a precious friendship does not always result when you chose to love and she/he chose to love back) & well... i dunno the answer to this...

sometimes i always felt to a certain precious r/s it's coz 'she did so much for me!!.. oh my gosh!' and sometimes to another friendship as precious but there's so much struggles within but coz i cared so much & still want so much to love her that it is as precious as the former.. and it just can't be compared like which is more precious or important to you.. it's just different..

and sure... it's a good variety of precious r/s i have.. coz it means i'm surrounded by lovely people.. people who chose to love me and people whom i dearly love-- of course consisting of those who chose to love me so sacrificially... >_<

..a taste of some free..dom...

2008-06-28T23:10:00.018+08:00

Oh yeah... 'taste' a little of this lively, jazzy music from my friends' ginny owens cd.. =) I'm glad i'm blogging a little more which probably means my life is gaining a little sanity...

ok.. i lost my voice for 3 whole days and this episode certainly makes me appreciate my voice a WHOLE lot more! i did not know how i still went for a 'worship' practise... & yah i just couldn't sing.. felt really bad.. but glad it pulled through with God's grace.. and i wasn't scolded by anyone..

came home and had time to think and do a few cool things...

I played guit & piano and for once realised how important my voice is coz for once i wanted to sing and express myself by singing and i can't... i can only imagine myself singing along as i play... that's really yah... half expressing myself only... and i only realise it today... why is it that only when we lose something we can recognize how much we loved it?

I also...made some cards! via an online website! so cool! and fun! >_<

I also thought about... friendship

isn't this interesting?? it makes me thought of a friend whom i seldom have the luxury of having words to understand her... & having to wonder, ponder for a long while w/o answers.. sometimes i wonder when i will get the 'words' out to understand more... but then again.. yah, even w/o words, there's understanding gain.. depending on how you see it... & the friendship still exists & still weighs a whole lot of value.. still is... sweet and dear to my heart...

This really should be my friendship theme! so well-said! bravo!... esp the last line really grips my heart of how many friends i have not managed to hold on.. but i guess yah life has it's limitations.. and i do have a few I wanna hold on to... but yah, some i wonder if i would be able to hold on to... *sob*

And look to my right! yup!! I remember a good friend of mine... precious and respected... who loves flowers... white lilies to be exact... I thank God this friendship is bestowed on me.. and could remain with me till now.. and it's been beautiful through the years seeing how God mould and shape our lives and how she truely is one who pursues me with her love like how Jesus did...

and ok... last but not least.. God is good to provide such wonderful souls into my life at different aspects of my life.. workplace, church, personal life, SYFC etc.. that all in time comes to overlap at one point or rather... turning it into an array of beautiful moments for me.. and enabling me to live joyfully...

...reflections during my recuperating day...

2008-06-24T20:01:00.008+08:00

i hate being sick... & yah i dun like to rest... i enjoy running as in 'running' in life... i'm not sure why i needed to be so 'pia' but i certainly believe it could be due to e.g. what i've shared about the song below, i've missed out too much of my life before i knew Christ.. & then since i knew Him, there's just been never-ending list of things i really wanna do...

but still i appreciated today's rest. I visited the doc, came home, took the medication and enjoy feeling sedated... but yeah my mind's still thinking.. it was nice to sit on this arm chair and stare at the garden outside my house.. i know i haven't took time to smell the 'roses' and scary to say, i dun bother.. i'm fine not smelling the roses and i'm happy working...

but well, sitting there dozing off and not being able to work today forced me to recognize some good thoughts... i really started asking myself "why do i always wanna achieve something?!?" yes i've missed out too much in life before i knew Christ but do i have to keep being and working to be the best? doesn't it tire me? actually it doesn't... even if it is at the expense of my health like what my mum always says.. but wait.. today i realise even if it doesn't bother me, it isn't right! i have a responsibility to take care of my health and to spend time with my family.. i'm spending way too little time to care for them.. and they are always not quite on my list.. sure i eat with them, but my heart's somewhere else... always thinking about work/ projects/ ideas/ people... i gotta stop it!

I concluded with some good ideas... to help myself unwind and slow down and spend quality time with people i love and care about... i combined it with the rare things i love but didn't even bother to find time to do.. i love art - painting, making stuff, sewing, handicrafts.. this is possibly one of the slowest pace things i ever even indulge myself in... I'm surprise i could like these things!?! coz everything else in my life is just so super real fast... & i talk so super fast?!?! i'm crazy!!! i speed anything up... and i think i stress people up... does anyone realise i dun make coffee or tea in office? not coz i really want an award but even in YG where there's no such award, i dun make coffee or tea or sip them. I glup! i'm insane..

so... i thought of some things i gotta start doing before my heart probably just stop on me!

a) personal therapy time 1x week - doing art stuff my hobby
b) quality time with grandma - i believe spending time with her is my therapy time to slow down.. coz to really spend time with her, i have to slow down...

so.. i'm combining these 2!

well.. if you hadn't guess, i always struggled spending time with my grandma.. i'll be there with her, my heart somewhere else.. coz things move too slowly... my inner mechanisms just have to have things one after the other that i had to conveniently multi task on other stuff while waiting for my grandma to catch up on my conversation or whatever im doing with her... . but yes.. this is bad... i need to stay with the person... and i love her.. so i hope the art therapy helps me help her.. God pls let me start asap

& i think art is really one way to help me slow down and not kill myself real soon.. i really gonna set aside time to do this.. like go for art exhibition like i've always wanted to.. speak with the recent artist who came back to s'pore... and see if that sparked off any ideas for real art therapy i can study and practise 5 years down the road.

yes.. slowing down will help me remember God... and to know i'm living for Him...

i'm telling myself "you really don't need to achieve anything to gain that security and love from Him..." & anyone can be outstanding by spending time on whatever skills you wanna be outstanding on.. but only the one who seeks Him first can stand out from the rest.. to be good in something & let that translate to be a blessing to people around you. if what you are good in cannot be a blessing, then what good does it do?

In summary of the things i wanna remember:

1) Have weekly personal therapy time to remember why you are on earth

2) Spend time with people u love and tell them and be there with them

3) Remain in the vine so you can bear fruits
Remember 'remain in God and He will remain in you'

4) The grass given to you IS the greenest. Seize opportunities given to you. never look the other side. No point looking at the greener pastures the other end when it is not yours, & forcing it, once you get there, it will turn brown.

5) Love the Lord Your God with all your heart and mind and soul... Enjoy living for Him alone, seize every opportunity to share that joy and purpose of knowing Him and making Him known.

6) in relating with people, it is not what you can do to successfully handle them that matters most all the time, but how much you really cared for them from God's eyes.

...grateful...

2008-06-07T19:54:00.009+08:00

here's a recent song that really speaks to my heart as i'm preparing for the ALL GIRLS camp, which certainly is like a dream come true.. as i'm listening to this song & sharing it to link to the gospel...

This song certainly speaks of how i was like when i was younger as a teenager... Always looking for outward approval from people.. and wanting to be accepted and belonged and believing that the way to get there is to be the most popular and most beautiful.. and constantly getting disappointed no matter how hard i've tried..

Like what this song sings about right from the start about what i have been waiting and trying.. till the second stanza that speaks of that transformation of my life... "There's a smile on my face... & a brand new light in my eyes.. It's a new day & I've never felt so alive... I feel as if I could conquer anything... Oh thats what Your love has done for me... & now all I want to be... Is everything You want me to be" this transformation was so real within me... tt outwardly God led me to do amazing things i never thought, probably no one thought, i could ever do.. one of which i wrote a song about how I've finally found the reason for living... the purpose and direction in life..

As we are discussing about personality profiles lately, i suddenly realise because of Christ in my life, my personality also changed.. i was never such a go-getter... probably more of a dreamer and rather passive.. .suddenly my courage towards life soared.. and like what the chorus says.. i suddenly became passionate about many things realising all the chances i have missed.. "And You call me beautiful & say You've loved me all along & You've always held the keys to unlock my soul... but I didn't know... Now I can finally start to live... Take those chances I have missed... Things will be much different... Now that I know You call me beautiful"

I hope that this song could truely speak to the girls who have perhaps tried harder than me and fell deeper... May God enter a place in the hearts of these girls through this song... and to see them be able to finally see light in this world, never to be disappointed again by the empty pursuit of weak promises of belonging, security, love and being called beautiful for all the wrong reasons.. & to hear God clearly - calling them as His precious and beautiful child... to find rest, love & security in Him...

God work through this..

Call me beautiful...

2008-06-07T19:51:00.003+08:00

I've been waiting
For a hero who's brave and strong
Someone to love me
Someone to tell me I belong
So I pretend I'm satisfied
And I stand watching on the sidelines
Till You pull me into the light
And say, "It's Your turn now,Welcome to your life!"

(Chorus)And You call me beautiful
And say You've loved me all along
And You've always held the keys to unlock my soul
Oh You call me beautiful
There's a smile on my face
And a brand new light in my eyes
It's a new day
And I've never felt so alive
I feel as if I could conquer anything

Oh thats what Your love has done for me
And now all I want to be
Is everything You want me to be

(Chorus)And You call me beautiful
And say You've loved me all along
And You've always held the keys To unlock my soul
But I didn't know-Now I can finally start to live
Take those chances I have missed
Things will be much different
Now that I knowYou call me beautiful

(Bridge)
The story is better than I could dream after all
Now this is reality
To know You and to hear You call me beautiful
Call me beautiful

Now I can finally start to live
Take those chances I have missed
Things will be much different
Now that I know
Now that I knowYou call me beautiful

by Ginny Owens

singing this song again

2008-05-12T21:58:00.002+08:00

God.. dear God... i'm singing this song for you again... teach me, guide me and help me..

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

never giving up
in my misery, God gave me a song..

Verses: (E, A, B, C#m, A, B)
Lord You've told me so..
That Your love for me
Stands forever

Lord You've told me so..
That Your will for me
Stands perfectly

Bridge: (C#m, G#m, C#m, B, A, B)
I've believed in You
yet I've failed you too
But I'll never give up
(never give up, never give up) -draft 2 (A, B, A, B)
on this race

Chorus: (E, A, B, C#m... A, B, E)
I'll leave my past behind me now
Taking on the cross for Christ again
I'll press on to the goal ahead of me
Winning for the prize you have for me

I'll look up to my Lord my King my Father
Pleading for Your watch close by my side
Never let me stray away from the prize
That you have walk before us all to grasp

>_<

Posted by weiggy at 2:34 PM

dreaming...

2008-05-04T21:20:00.002+08:00

dreaming of all the places i wanna go, the things i wanna do.. the things i wanna eat... the people i wanna go out with..

is it that in life, there'll always be seasons of our life we can't be living our dreams.. ? and a season we live by dreaming of it?

perhaps the beauty sometimes is in the process of longing rather than having it...

Look at this cute lamb!

2008-04-25T21:23:00.004+08:00

Oh my goodness... such a cutie!!

A closer look..

2008-04-25T21:21:00.001+08:00

Love the pink!

Lovely gift fr...

2008-04-25T21:19:00.001+08:00

A lovely colleague... So sweet! :)